Wednesday, February 15, 2012

A Modern Scourge

A few years ago I picked up a business magazine and glanced at the high tech wunderkind on the cover. He looked happy and successful. Upon closer inspection, looking at the hand that cradled a portable gadget, I saw that his fingernails had been chewed to the quick.

What, might I ask was the source of his mental anguish? It took only a few minutes to peruse the contents of that magazine, to discover that the culprit was Acronyms! Nearly every page was marred by the presence of sinister acronyms. There was RAM, ROM, DVD, CDMA, GSM, CMOS and more. In our homes we have DVD, HD, CD, LED, LCD and CFL. Even our poor school children are not free from this plague, where EIEIO ominously home of some agricultural mafia organization.

The pervasiveness of acronyms affects us negatively for three reasons. First, it is confusing. When you find on craigslist an ad for a minivan with ABS, you want to know that you will be driving more safely with Anti-lock Braking System, but maybe your vehicle will come with Adult Bovine Serum. A very scary prospect indeed!

Second. I find acronyms to be humiliating. My dear aunt, endowed with large bones, was mortified each time that she flew out of Fresno Air Terminal, because her luggage was tagged with the accusatory letters FAT, for the entire world to see!

Lastly, acronyms are just unfair. The upstanding body of fashion conscious young men, whose only desire is to further the state of footwear, cannot unite in their fine cause, because Junior Executives who Reject Knee Socks would unfairly be branded as JERKS. This is truly unacceptable!

Please consider writing your public officials, and the leaders of our corporations to end this dreadful onslaught. We cannot wait but must act ASAP, before it is too late.